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The List of Singapore Jokes (Joke 01 to 10)
Joke 1
Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the
DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien meaning Ah Cheng buys
bread)
The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to
re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were indignant and kicked up a big
fuss, claiming that the DJ was insulting them.
The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down. Finally, after
many hours of talking, the manager managed to find out that the Ah Bengs
were actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous
Brothers.
Joke 2
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey of a building
and wanted to get down to the ground floor.
As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2.
It was then followed by a G.
As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and really had no idea
what does the letter G mean.
Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G. When they finally
reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked
the first Ah Lian, "Wow, how you know one?"
The first Ah Lian reply smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."
Joke 3
Singlish version of Little Led Liding Hoot
Once upon a time hor, got one girl called Little Led Liding Hoot.
She want to go to Ah Mah's house.
Morning she alleady go out one, she got take one basket to
put flower. She doh wan to walk long-long so go take shot cut.
Wah!!! She dono got one animal follow her leh! She happy-happy
walk until she come to Ah Mah house.
"Ah Mah! Ah Mah! I come, open the door lah!" she talk.
Then Ah Mah also talk back, "Come in lah I never close one."
Little Led Liding Hoot open the house and go inside the door......
Oh, solly solly......open the door and go inside the house, she see
her Ah Mah on top of the bed.
She go ask Ah Mah. "Ah Mah, how come your eye so vely big one hah?"
"So I can see you maahhhhh!!!" Ah Mah say back.
"Ah Mah, how come your year vely long one hah?"
"So vely easy to hear you laah!!!!"
"Ah Mah, how come......."
"Aiyaa!!!! SO many question one ah you......never die before is it?"
"Soly lah Ah Mah, I dono mah that's why I ask".
"What soly-soly! Now I want to eat you, I not Ah Mah, I animal one
you know......."
Wah! Little Led Liding Hoot vely scared alleady, she scleam vely
loud but late alleady, the animal alleady eat her. She now inside
stomach alleady.
Suddenly got one people, cut wood one, go inside the
house. He want to save Little Led Liding Hoot, he go and cut the
animal stomach and take out everything, but he too late, Little Led
Liding Hoot become shit alleady......
Joke 4
WHAT DO U CALL......A SMALL SINGH - SINGLET
A SINGH WHO ENTERTAINS - AMUSING
A SINGH MALE MODEL - POSING
A SINGH JOHN TRAVOLTA - DANCING
A SINGH WHO IS A DRUNK - YUM-SENG
A SINGH WHO IS A GANSTER - SUM-SENG
A SINGH WHO WALKS ON A TIGHT ROPE - BALANCING
A SINGH WHO IS LOST - MISSING
A SINGH WHO LIKES TO SING AT CAMPFIRES - SING-A-LONG
A SINGH WHO IS NOISY - BEE-SING
AN ANGRY SINGH AT A ROAD JUNCTION - CROSSING
A SINGH WHO LIKES HERBS - GIN-SINGH
A SINGH WHO IS IN A TOLIET - PISSING
A SINGH WHO IS HAPPY - REJOICING
A SINGH BASKETBALL PLAYER - BOUNCING
A SINGH PHARMACIST - DISPENSING
A STUBBORN SINGH - REFUSING
A FASTIDIOUS SINGH - FUSSING
A SINGH WHO CELEBRATES MOTHERS' DAY - AMAJIT SINGH
A SINGH WHO IS COMING TOMORROW - MARJIT SINGH
THE STUDY OF SINGHS - BAI-YEE-OLOGY
THE STUDY OF SMALL SINGHS - MICRO BAI-YEE-OLOGY
THE SINGHS' FAVOURITE SINGER - BARRY MANILOW (because he wrote
the song that made the whole world SINGH)
A LADY SINGH POSING IN PLAYBOY'S CENTREFOLD - BOR CHENG KAUR
A PRONOGRAPHIC LADY SINGH - HARD KAUR
A SINGH WHO LIVES HALFWAY BETWEEN SINGAPORE AND KUANTAN - MERSING
A TWO WHEELER TRANSPORTATION FOR A SINGH - BAI-YEE CYCLE
A SINGH WHO GOES SWIMMING EVERY MORNING - KULDIP SINGH (Cool Dip)
THE LAST SINGH ON EARTH - JASWANT SINGH (Just One)
SINGH WHOSE MOTHER WAS IN LABOUR FOR 3 DAYS or THE SINGH WHO COMES
TO VISIT YOU EVERY 3 DAYS - SANJIT SINGH (3 day SINGH - in hokkien)
Joke 5
There is this miss universe contest.....and the 3 finalists are miss
american, miss australia, and miss singapore.
Now....the judges are asking 3 questions to the finalists..
the 1st question is: "name me an electrical appliance starting with the
letter l..."miss american is as confident as ever, and replies straight
away:"..lamp...".
the judges say good....miss australia replies:"......light bulb...."
the judges say good.....
now miss singapore is not too sure......she finally says:".....ladio...."
then the judges say:"....sorry, radio doesn't start with letter l....."
Now the 2nd question is:".....name me an animal starting with the letter l"
miss american says confidently:"....lion...."
the judges say good.....and miss australia says:"......leopard....."
the judges say good....and now miss singapore isn't too sure again....
she says:"...labbit..."
the judges say:"...sorry, rabbit doesn't start with the letter l.....and
if you get the next question wrong, I'm afraid you are out of the
contest...."
Now, the 3rd and last question......:"name me a fruit starting with the
letter l....."miss american says:"....lime...."
the judges say well done.....miss australia says:.....lemon...."
the judges say well done....
Now miss singapore knows the answer for once.....she is very confident
that she would make it to the next round......
she says:".........LIEW LIAN..........."
Joke 6
Q: Why has the Indian Football Team never won the World Cup?
A: Because every time they get a corner, they set up a "mama" stall.
Joke 7
Application for SIA Girl
Interviewer: Name me 3 cars starting with the letter "L".
Applicant 1: "LANCER"
Interviewer: Good, next
Applicant 1: um.... "LEXUS"
Interviewer: Good, last one
Applicant 1, thinking for a while, says "LOLLS LOYCE"
Interviewer: Name me 3 fruits starting with the letter "A".
Applicant 2: "APPLE"Interviewer: Good, next
Applicant 2: um.... "APRICOT"
Interviewer: Good, last one
Applicant 2, thinking for a while, says "ANG MOR TAN"
Interviewer: Name me a watch starting with the letter "L".
Applicant 3: "LOLEX!"
Joke 8
-----"This storlie vely Sin-ga-polean flavoured.
-----Dun give up with the pronounciation half-way-thru,
-----the best part always comes toward the last lah!
-----find out what this word means 'garmen'.;-)"
Last time, got tree leetle pics. Dey all blarders but not marry yet,
so cannot get hedg-de-be flat, so must built deir own house.
De fers blarder, a bit switch-off and like to relac, so he only wan to
built simple-simple house, so he go and built one with stlaw. But
den hor, when de house finis alledy, his blarders laugh at him and
say, "Wapiang, stlaw house how can live? So ao one - got no standard!"
De secan blarder, hor, tink hard hard and den wan to built a more good
house, so he take many, many wood and built a wooden house. He go take
many piece of wood but his two blarders laugh at him and say
"Walau, so kayu one - wood where can tahan de wind? Wind come and all
drop alledy!"
De terd blarder like to be aiksi-borak one, so he wan to built his
house make come out of blick one.
When de house finis alledy, his blarders all come and see and den dey say,
"Wah, your house so nice one, you got blick you early early donch say -
so ngiaow one!" De terd blarder say back, "Use your blain, use your
blain! You where can be crever like me?"
De tree blarders live happy-happy after that, but den got one day,
de biig ba woof come and karchau de fers blarder. De woof say, "Leetle
pic, leetle pic, open your door. If you donch open ah, I will brow
your house down!"
De leetle pic very tee-kee one, so donch open de door.
So de woof open his mouf big big and brow de stlaw house down.
De fers blarder den run away fast fast to his secan blarder house.
When at de secan blarder house, hor, de woof also come and say, "Leetle
pic, leetle pic, open your door. If you donch open ah, I will brow your
house down!"
De secan blarder auso donch open de door, so de woof open
his mouf big big and brow de kayu house down.
De two blarders den run away fast fast to deir terd blarder house.
Now auso hor, at de terd blarder house, de woof again come and say,
"Leetle pic, leetle pic, open your door. If you donch open ah, I will
brow your house down!"
De terd blarder say back, "You tink you so crever you can brow my blick
house down meh? You wan to brow you brow lor!"
So de woof open his mouf big big and he brow and brow but he cannot
brow down. He brow and brow and den, he pengsan!
De brave leetle pics go out and see de woof is die or not. Dey all
carry de woof in, tinking dat de woof die alledy. Suddenry, de woof
jum up and huntam de fers and secan blarders. De terd blarder stand
one side - diam, diam ony.
You see ah, de terd blarder was a glassloot leader and dat's how he
got de blicks. De woof know dis and say to de terd blarder if he donch
hap him to catch his two udder blarders, de woof go and leport him to
de garmen.
So wat to do? Bo-bian what! So togeder de terd leetle pic and de woof
sit down to share-share eat suckling pics in de terd blarder's upgladed
house.
Joke 9
In Singapore, living in Highly Dangerous Building (HDB), most
people have already gotten used to Pay And Pay (PAP), not only
pay, you Pay Until Broke (PUB).
If that is not enough, somebody still Purposely Want to Dig
(PWD) from you. What can you do if you are in the Money Only
Environment (MOE).
With the current Mad Accounting System (MAS), you are forced
to Pay the Sum Ahead (PSA) which make some people Purposely
Owe Some Banks (POSB) and living on Loan Techniques Always (LTA).
When you are sick, you might be able to use the Cash Prior
to Funeral (CPF) fund if you happen to be admitted to the Money
Operating Hospital (MOH) on time. If you are in sure bad luck,
you may meet doctor who Never Use Heart (NUH) to treat you and
that would make you to Sure Give up Hope (SGH). When that
happens, Call Home (CH), you deserve a better place to recuperate.
To help to ease the traffic, motorists have to pay Cash On
Expressway (COE). If that don't help, the Lousy Tax Accounting
(LTA), can always Every time Raise Price (ERP) on the road.
If you don't own a car, you can always go for the Mad Rush to
Train (MRT) and get squashed Side By Side (SBS).
Joke 10
Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and
decided to apply for a job in the most prestigous "Lee & Lee Law
Firm" company.
During the interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh's resume,
thinks for a while and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your
application with my wife." And went off to discuss Santa's
application with his wife.
Lee KY's wife said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers
with surnames beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire
Santa Singh!"
So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection.
Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and request
for another interview and Lee KY said, 'Look Santa, I have already
told you that we only hire.......' when Santa Singh interupted him and
said, 'I know, I know. I have just changed my name.'
Lee K Y looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, "What is your
new name then?"
On this, Santa Singh replied 'Surname Lee, Last name, Manga!' (Manga-Li)
Click below for more Singapore/Singaporean Jokes
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