WARNING: Some of these jokes may be offensive or even racist.
There have been many visitors since 14 May 1996.
Page 1 Jokes No 1-20
Joke 1
******
Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti
===================
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the
DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien meaning Ah Cheng buys
bread)
The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to
re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were indignant and kicked up a big
fuss, claiming that the DJ was insulting them.
The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down. Finally, after
many hours of talking, the manager managed to find out that the Ah Bengs
were actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous
Brothers.
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Joke 2
******
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey of a building
and wanted to get down to the ground floor.
As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2.
It was then followed by a G.
As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and really had no idea
what does the letter G mean.
Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G. When they finally
reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked
the first Ah Lian, "Wow, how you know one?"
The first Ah Lian reply smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."
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Joke 3
******
Singlish version of Little Led Liding Hoot
==========================================
Once upon a time hor, got one girl called Little Led Liding Hoot.
She want to go to Ah Mah's house.
Morning she alleady go out one, she got take one basket to
put flower. She doh wan to walk long-long so go take shot cut.
Wah!!! She dono got one animal follow her leh! She happy-happy
walk until she come to Ah Mah house.
"Ah Mah! Ah Mah! I come, open the door lah!" she talk.
Then Ah Mah also talk back, "Come in lah I never close one."
Little Led Liding Hoot open the house and go inside the door......
Oh, solly solly......open the door and go inside the house, she see
her Ah Mah on top of the bed.
She go ask Ah Mah. "Ah Mah, how come your eye so vely big one hah?"
"So I can see you maahhhhh!!!" Ah Mah say back.
"Ah Mah, how come your year vely long one hah?"
"So vely easy to hear you laah!!!!"
"Ah Mah, how come......."
"Aiyaa!!!! SO many question one ah you......never die before is it?"
"Soly lah Ah Mah, I dono mah that's why I ask".
"What soly-soly! Now I want to eat you, I not Ah Mah, I animal one
you know......."
Wah! Little Led Liding Hoot vely scared alleady, she scleam vely
loud but late alleady, the animal alleady eat her. She now inside
stomach alleady.
Suddenly got one people, cut wood one, go inside the
house. He want to save Little Led Liding Hoot, he go and cut the
animal stomach and take out everything, but he too late, Little Led
Liding Hoot become shit alleady......
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Joke 4
******
WHAT DO U CALL......A SMALL SINGH - SINGLET
A SINGH WHO ENTERTAINS - AMUSING
A SINGH MALE MODEL - POSING
A SINGH JOHN TRAVOLTA - DANCING
A SINGH WHO IS A DRUNK - YUM-SENG
A SINGH WHO IS A GANSTER - SUM-SENG
A SINGH WHO WALKS ON A TIGHT ROPE - BALANCING
A SINGH WHO IS LOST - MISSING
A SINGH WHO LIKES TO SING AT CAMPFIRES - SING-A-LONG
A SINGH WHO IS NOISY - BEE-SING
AN ANGRY SINGH AT A ROAD JUNCTION - CROSSING
A SINGH WHO LIKES HERBS - GIN-SINGH
A SINGH WHO IS IN A TOLIET - PISSING
A SINGH WHO IS HAPPY - REJOICING
A SINGH BASKETBALL PLAYER - BOUNCING
A SINGH PHARMACIST - DISPENSING
A STUBBORN SINGH - REFUSING
A FASTIDIOUS SINGH - FUSSING
A SINGH WHO CELEBRATES MOTHERS' DAY - AMAJIT SINGH
A SINGH WHO IS COMING TOMORROW - MARJIT SINGH
THE STUDY OF SINGHS - BAI-YEE-OLOGY
THE STUDY OF SMALL SINGHS - MICRO BAI-YEE-OLOGY
THE SINGHS' FAVOURITE SINGER - BARRY MANILOW (because he wrote
the song that made the whole world SINGH)
A LADY SINGH POSING IN PLAYBOY'S CENTREFOLD - BOR CHENG KAUR
A PRONOGRAPHIC LADY SINGH - HARD KAUR
A SINGH WHO LIVES HALFWAY BETWEEN SINGAPORE AND KUANTAN - MERSING
A TWO WHEELER TRANSPORTATION FOR A SINGH - BAI-YEE CYCLE
A SINGH WHO GOES SWIMMING EVERY MORNING - KULDIP SINGH (Cool Dip)
THE LAST SINGH ON EARTH - JASWANT SINGH (Just One)
SINGH WHOSE MOTHER WAS IN LABOUR FOR 3 DAYS or THE SINGH WHO COMES
TO VISIT YOU EVERY 3 DAYS - SANJIT SINGH (3 day SINGH - in hokkien)
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Joke 5
******
There is this miss universe contest.....and the 3 finalists are miss
american, miss australia, and miss singapore.
Now....the judges are asking 3 questions to the finalists..
the 1st question is: "name me an electrical appliance starting with the
letter l..."miss american is as confident as ever, and replies straight
away:"..lamp...".
the judges say good....miss australia replies:"......light bulb...."
the judges say good.....
now miss singapore is not too sure......she finally says:".....ladio...."
then the judges say:"....sorry, radio doesn't start with letter l....."
Now the 2nd question is:".....name me an animal starting with the letter l"
miss american says confidently:"....lion...."
the judges say good.....and miss australia says:"......leopard....."
the judges say good....and now miss singapore isn't too sure again....
she says:"...labbit..."
the judges say:"...sorry, rabbit doesn't start with the letter l.....and
if you get the next question wrong, I'm afraid you are out of the
contest...."
Now, the 3rd and last question......:"name me a fruit starting with the
letter l....."miss american says:"....lime...."
the judges say well done.....miss australia says:.....lemon...."
the judges say well done....
Now miss singapore knows the answer for once.....she is very confident
that she would make it to the next round......
she says:".........LIEW LIAN..........."
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Joke 6
******
Q: Why has the Indian Football Team never won the World Cup?
A: Because every time they get a corner, they set up a "mama" stall.
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Joke 7
******
Application for SIA Girl
========================
Interviewer: Name me 3 cars starting with the letter "L".
Applicant 1: "LANCER"
Interviewer: Good, next
Applicant 1: um.... "LEXUS"
Interviewer: Good, last one
Applicant 1, thinking for a while, says "LOLLS LOYCE"
Interviewer: Name me 3 fruits starting with the letter "A".
Applicant 2: "APPLE"Interviewer: Good, next
Applicant 2: um.... "APRICOT"
Interviewer: Good, last one
Applicant 2, thinking for a while, says "ANG MOR TAN"
Interviewer: Name me a watch starting with the letter "L".
Applicant 3: "LOLEX!"
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Joke 8
******
-----"This storlie vely Sin-ga-polean flavoured.
-----Dun give up with the pronounciation half-way-thru,
-----the best part always comes toward the last lah!
-----find out what this word means 'garmen'.;-)"
Last time, got tree leetle pics. Dey all blarders but not marry yet,
so cannot get hedg-de-be flat, so must built deir own house.
De fers blarder, a bit switch-off and like to relac, so he only wan to
built simple-simple house, so he go and built one with stlaw. But
den hor, when de house finis alledy, his blarders laugh at him and
say, "Wapiang, stlaw house how can live? So ao one - got no standard!"
De secan blarder, hor, tink hard hard and den wan to built a more good
house, so he take many, many wood and built a wooden house. He go take
many piece of wood but his two blarders laugh at him and say
"Walau, so kayu one - wood where can tahan de wind? Wind come and all
drop alledy!"
De terd blarder like to be aiksi-borak one, so he wan to built his
house make come out of blick one.
When de house finis alledy, his blarders all come and see and den dey say,
"Wah, your house so nice one, you got blick you early early donch say -
so ngiaow one!" De terd blarder say back, "Use your blain, use your
blain! You where can be crever like me?"
De tree blarders live happy-happy after that, but den got one day,
de biig ba woof come and karchau de fers blarder. De woof say, "Leetle
pic, leetle pic, open your door. If you donch open ah, I will brow
your house down!"
De leetle pic very tee-kee one, so donch open de door.
So de woof open his mouf big big and brow de stlaw house down.
De fers blarder den run away fast fast to his secan blarder house.
When at de secan blarder house, hor, de woof also come and say, "Leetle
pic, leetle pic, open your door. If you donch open ah, I will brow your
house down!"
De secan blarder auso donch open de door, so de woof open
his mouf big big and brow de kayu house down.
De two blarders den run away fast fast to deir terd blarder house.
Now auso hor, at de terd blarder house, de woof again come and say,
"Leetle pic, leetle pic, open your door. If you donch open ah, I will
brow your house down!"
De terd blarder say back, "You tink you so crever you can brow my blick
house down meh? You wan to brow you brow lor!"
So de woof open his mouf big big and he brow and brow but he cannot
brow down. He brow and brow and den, he pengsan!
De brave leetle pics go out and see de woof is die or not. Dey all
carry de woof in, tinking dat de woof die alledy. Suddenry, de woof
jum up and huntam de fers and secan blarders. De terd blarder stand
one side - diam, diam ony.
You see ah, de terd blarder was a glassloot leader and dat's how he
got de blicks. De woof know dis and say to de terd blarder if he donch
hap him to catch his two udder blarders, de woof go and leport him to
de garmen.
So wat to do? Bo-bian what! So togeder de terd leetle pic and de woof
sit down to share-share eat suckling pics in de terd blarder's upgladed
house.
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Joke 9
******
In Singapore, living in Highly Dangerous Building (HDB), most
people have already gotten used to Pay And Pay (PAP), not only
pay, you Pay Until Broke (PUB).
If that is not enough, somebody still Purposely Want to Dig
(PWD) from you. What can you do if you are in the Money Only
Environment (MOE).
With the current Mad Accounting System (MAS), you are forced
to Pay the Sum Ahead (PSA) which make some people Purposely
Owe Some Banks (POSB) and living on Loan Techniques Always (LTA).
When you are sick, you might be able to use the Cash Prior
to Funeral (CPF) fund if you happen to be admitted to the Money
Operating Hospital (MOH) on time. If you are in sure bad luck,
you may meet doctor who Never Use Heart (NUH) to treat you and
that would make you to Sure Give up Hope (SGH). When that
happens, Call Home (CH), you deserve a better place to recuperate.
To help to ease the traffic, motorists have to pay Cash On
Expressway (COE). If that don't help, the Lousy Tax Accounting
(LTA), can always Every time Raise Price (ERP) on the road.
If you don't own a car, you can always go for the Mad Rush to
Train (MRT) and get squashed Side By Side (SBS).
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Joke 10
*******
Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and
decided to apply for a job in the most prestigous "Lee & Lee Law
Firm" company.
During the interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh's resume,
thinks for a while and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your
application with my wife." And went off to discuss Santa's
application with his wife.
Lee KY's wife said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers
with surnames beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire
Santa Singh!"
So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection.
Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and request
for another interview and Lee KY said, 'Look Santa, I have already
told you that we only hire.......' when Santa Singh interupted him and
said, 'I know, I know. I have just changed my name.'
Lee K Y looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, "What is your
new name then?"
On this, Santa Singh replied 'Surname Lee, Last name, Manga!' (Manga-Li)
________________________________________________________________
Joke 11
*******
-----The Ultimate test for your Hokkien!!!!
Singalella why become rich
==========================
Koo char ooo chee-ay char bor kio Singalella. She got two sisters,
but the stepmarder and the sister all damn kuai lan, so she quite
chiar lat oso. Last time Singalella got own maid, but now she become
the amah leh. Every day must cook lah, clean lah, simeek sai mah pao
kah liao lor. If her sister say liak kar chuak she liak. If her marder
say chiak kow sai she must chiak kow sai y'knor? Tak jit cho kah tau
heen. CPF oso cannot smell.
But then ah, the kay piak eh ah pek got one son call Ah Ming got
party so he say,"oeh, long chong keah." Singalella very happy because she
never go party one but then ah her marder say, "You where can, this one only
your sister got standard."
Then Singalella must cho sui for her sister and marder, tap pai how.
That night she only can wave bye bye and then she go back to the kitchen
and cook Maggi mee. Her neighbour came over and ask, "Eh, an chua boh
kee yio?". So Singalella say, "I wan, but they say cannot, so boh pian." She
never expect but the neighbour say, "Aiyah, go lah, I give you money."
So Singalella pang sai, brush teef and chang chui, after that look very
different, quickly change and run to opposite, already 11 o clock
leh. At the party Ah Ming also quite tired because the char bor all not
happening. Dance floor even got one ah pek dancing.
Just when Ah Ming told himself,"aiyah see pay chiar lat" Singalella came in.
Ah Ming straight away lau nuar. "Wah lau eh, see pay heng ah, chee kor buay
pai." Ah Ming say to Singalella, "eh, sui eh, wah ai kah lee cho fliend!".
Singalella say OK but Ah Ming was like octopus, forever touch here and there.
But then just it was 12 o clock and one ah pek die on the dance floor.
He become ghost and tell Singalella all the good 4D number.
So after that Singalella quickly go and buy 4D, and then tiok y'knor,
eearrr chee pak ban, so she pay back the kay piak eh lau kay poh and then
kah kee cho seng leek. Simeek kuan eh seng leek wah mana eh chai.
GAUGE YOUR COMMAND OF HOKKIEN...
1.Can understand the story and pronounce Hokkien correctly -
Hokkien a-sai
2.Can understand half story and/or cannot pronounce Hokkien properly -
chiar lat
3.Don't understand story and/or catch no ball -
leow leow, mai ka lang kong you is Hokkien
4.Don't understand rating -
kee see lah, wah mana eh chai leow.
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Joke 12
*******
Li Bai's Poem
=============
The Chinese version
===================
Chuan chien ming ye kuan
ti sia yi sang xuan
chi toa wang ming ye
ti toa sze ku xian
The full-blown version (in refined English)
===========================================
The moon light is pouring down on my bedside
like white frost spreading on the ground
I look up the bright round moon in the sky
and lower my head thinking of my dear hometown
--Li Bai
And here's the Singlish version #1
==================================
Bedfront Moon Bright Bright
Think is Floor White White
Lift Head see Moon Moon
Bow Head Miss Home Home....
-- Li Ah Beng
Singlish version #2
===================
Bedfront see moon moon
think is one snow snow
lift head see moon-moon
head down think home-home
Li Bai (II)
===========
Bedfront Orrr Pi Sai (pick nose)
Think Think Go Pang Sai (go shit)
Look up in the sky
Poem is a waste of time
Latest Reservist Army version
=============================
Bedfront Lauuuuu Bark Sai (Tears drop)
Think Think have to go Excercise (Reservist mobilization)
Drop dead look into the sky (Run until no breathe)
Tong Call Sia Lang Chai (My heartache nobody knows)
-- Li Pang Sai
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Joke 13
*******
Observations of Singaporeans
============================
-----Aren't Singporeans typically good at verbal shorthand?
-----Just look at the way we condense our sentences......
WHEN RETURNING A PAGE.....
INSTEAD OF "Hello, this is Joe, did anyone page for me?
SINGAPOREANS simply call up and demand "hello, who page?!"
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE.....
INSTEAD OF "I really don't recall you giving me the money."
SINGAPOREANS simply spread their hands and say "Where got?"
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
INSTEAD OF "I'd prefer not to do that if you don't mind.."
SINGAPOREANS simply frown and say "Doe waaan" (don't want)
WHEN DECIDING ON A PLAN OF ACTION....
INSTEAD OF "What do you propose we do now that the movies are
sold out?"
SINGAPOREANS simply look blur and say "So how?"
WHEN ENTERTAINING.....
INSTEAD OF "Please make yourselves at home."
SINGAPOREANS simply steer people towards the food and say
"Mai keh ki leh."
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION.....
INSTEAD OF "Excuse me, but would it be possible for me to take
this chair?"
SINGAPOREANS simply point at the chair and say "Can or not?!"
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY....
INSTEAD OF "Hey, put your wallet away, the drinks's on me."
SINGAPOREANS simply give a frowned smile and say
"Nonid..." (no need)
WHEN SOMEONE IS IN YOUR WAY....
INSTEAD OF "Excuse me, I'd like to get by, would you please
move a little aside?"
SINGAPOREANS simply look down and say "SKIUS!!"
see Page 3 Joke 41
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Joke 14
*******
Corporate Hokkien
=================
BUZZ WORDS
==========
The will to lead - ngeh ngeh lai
Pendulum - see suah lai/luan chu lai
Partial inclusion - ai jip buay jip
Self-esteem - lin pay/lin lau hia
Reductionism - kiew kah liau
Expansionism - ju lai ju tua
Problem-centred - kow pay kow boo
Neutralisation - chap siow
Dedicated - pah see buay chow
Single cause thinking - kia tit lor
Part-whole dilemma - cho larng chin kang kor
MANAGEMENT STYLE
================
Deserter - chiak chua
Missionary - kay po
Autocrat - see pay kwai lan
Compromiser - kia su / si mi mah eh sai
Bureaucrat - see pay ngeau
Developer - mm chai see
Benevolent autocrat - kwai lan
Executive - pao kah liao
VALUES
======
Theoretical - kay kiang
Economic - tan chiak
Political - hai see larng
Social - hiao
Religious - pak buay see
Aesthetic - chee ko
________________________________________________________________
Joke 15
*******
AH BENGS, AH LIANS AND JAW-GA-FEE (GEOGRAPHY)
=============================================
-----Yo Dudes
-----Enjoy learning geographical terms according to the
-----kings and queens of obiang-ness and the epitome of
-----irony (the Ah Bengs and Ah Lians lah)...
-----and you tot you had enuff from the Sunday Times...
-----KIT! (i.e. Keep In Touch)
-----P.S. For those of you who dun geddit, it's time to
-----oil your brains and check out your Geog text!
1. WAVE-CUT PLATFORMS:
A streamlined, raised shoe, re-hauled from the 70s
and currently seen on the feet of Far-East-lians.
"Ooei, Annie, have you seen my new WAVE-CUT PLATFORMS?
Cool, right?"
2. BLOWHOLE:
A swear word, pre-requisite to the word "BLOODY".
May be subtituted with "POTHOLE".
"You blah-dy BLOWHOLE! Bwei hiaow bai ah!"
3. ROCK BAND:
A rock band, found in sedimentary rock.
"The Smashing Pumpkins are the grooviest ROCK BAND
in the world!"
4. GORGES:
A term to describe someone/something who is stunningly
beautiful.
"That guy is GORGES!!"
-----*hahaha*...What a moroness!
5. GEO:
Derived from a Hokkien term. Used to describe a
pretty girl who has style and attitude. Used in
conjunction with the word, "BU".
"Waaah...That ger is a GEO BU man!"
6. SPIT:
An ejaculation of saliva. Past tense, "SPAT."
"Ptooi!" Ah Beng SPAT out his "chuing gam".
7. BEACH:
A derogatory term used to describe a disliked female.
-----*hahaha*
"That Bee Lian is such a bradee BEACH, maan."
8. CORAL:
To bicker.
-----double Beng
Said an Ah Lian to another, "That ger tiao me, want to
CORAL is it?"
Can also be used in conjunction with "REEF".
-----super Beng
Said an Ah Lian to another, "That ger tiao me, want to
CORAL REEF me ah?"
9. TOMBOLO:
The next day.
"The Geogafee exam TOMBOLO, is it?"
10. GROYNE:
A part of the male anatomy.
Eg. As a bid to increase the scenic beauty of the coast,
the authorities erected a few GROYNE along it.
11. DAM:
A swearword to express disgust/dismay.
"DAM it, lah. I call her go Zouk but she dun wan."
12. PLATEAU (mispronounced as platoo):
An adornment on the skin, used since ancient tribal times
to show machismo and courage among males.
"Ooei, Cheef, you got PLATEAU or not? Let me see lehh ..."
13. VALLEY:
Extremely.
"That Versachee bwelt, VALLEY nais ah!"
14. RAPIDS:
Cute furry animals with long ears.
Ah Lian, upon entering pet store: "AY!!!! See the RAPID so
kewte!!"
15. THERMOMETER:
To meet her the next day.
"Angela say THERMOMETER at Taka, six o'crock."
16. LATITUDE:
Demeanour and disposition.
"Wah biang! She really got LATITUDE plobrem, man!"
17. CIRRUS:
Are you absolutely certain?
After being told that his Chief was expelled from school,
Ah Beng asked disbelievingly, "CIRRUS or not?? Dun bruff lah!"
18. CANOPY:
Impossible.
-----*haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*
"He bought new handphone, ah? CANOPY! Last week
just bought one leh!"
19. RIDGE:
To describe wealth.
"You so RIDGE can buy Roccobahrocco ah?"
-----...and you tot they had no inkling of geographical terms!
-----*hiaks* (read: sarcasm)
________________________________________________________________
Joke 16
*******
EVERYONE IS READY TO PAY (ST 4/4/98)
========================
FINALLY, Electronic Road Pricing (ERP) started this week after months
of preparation and publicity.
Not surprisingly, Singaporeans have had a field day calling it all
sorts of names.
One irate Newsline caller says ERP stands for Everyday Rob People,
while a taxi-driver adds that the system is an electronic crocodile.
Yet another motorist reckons ERP means Extra Revenue Programme, under
which motorists suffer from Everlasting Rude Pricing.
Despite all that -- hold your breath -- Everyone is Ready to Pay!
And in radio deejay Joe Augustin's stand-up comedy act this week, he
wondered at the Land Transport Authority's assurance that the In-vehicle
Unit (IU) can withstand crashes of more than 120 kmh.
Most motorists, he said, would probably not survive the crash: "You're
dead, but your IU still goes on." Some comfort!
E-rror found
R-ectify it
P-roblem fixed
E-at first
R-elax a while
P-ay later
E-xtremely
R-eprehensible
P-ricing
E-very
R-esident
P-ays
E-xtremely
R-ecommended
P-ricing
E-xpressway
R-obbery
P-ermit
How does a motorist burp when he's passing through the gantry?
Errrrp! Errrrp! Errrrp!
________________________________________________________________
Joke 17
*******
The Ah Beng Medical Dictionary
================================
ANTIBODY: against everyone
ARTERY: the study of fine paintings
BACTERIA: back door to a cafeteria
BENIGN: what you be after you be eight
BOWEL: letters like A, E, I, O, or U
CAESAREAN SECTION: a district in Rome
CARDIOLOGY: advanced study of poker playing
CAT SCAN: searching for ones lost kitty
CAUTERIZE: made eye contact with her
COMA: a punctuation mark
CONGENITAL: friendly
CORTIZONE: the local courthouse
D & C: where Washington is
DILATE: to live longer
ENEMA: not a friend
ER: the things on your head that you hear with
FIBRILLATE: to tell lies
GENES: blue denim slacks
HEMORRHOID: a male from outer space
IMPOTENT: distinguished, well known
LABOR PAIN: hurt at work
MINOR OPERATION: somebody else's
ORGAN TRANSPLANT: what you do to your piano when you move
PARALYZE: two far-fetched stories
PATHOLOGICAL: a reasonable way to go
PHARMACIST: person who makes a living dealing in agriculture
PROTEIN: in favor of young people
RED BLOOD COUNT: Dracula
RHEUMATIC: amorous
SECRETION: hiding anything
TABLET: a small table
TERMINAL ILLNESS: getting sick at the airport
TIBIA: country in North Africa
TRIPLE BYPASS: better than a quarterback sneak
TUMOR: an extra pair
URINE: opposite of "you're out"
VARICOSE: very close
VEIN: conceited
________________________________________________________________
Joke 18
*******
The Haze Will Go On" (Love Theme from "The Asthmatic")
======================================================
Every night in my dreams
I smell you, I see you
That is how I know you go on
Far across the islands,
The longkangs, the oil spills
You have come to show you go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe I must lock up my door
Once more I close my window
But then still you're in my house
And my flu goes on and on...
They can tell us one time
And two times one lifetime
That it'll never come back at all
Truth was when I walked out
And turned on the radio
All these times I've been a moron
Near, far, wherever you are
Visits to the clinic more and more
Once more, try to stay indoors
And don't exert yourself
Just sleep and eat forever-more...
(Flute interval, followed by orchestral climax)
You're here, there's nothing I Fear!
Now I know I'll stop jogging in the morn'
We'll stay, forever this way
And I'll stay with my belly
My flu still go on and on....
Fat Wong
________________________________________________________________
Joke 19
*******
How the name "Singapore" came about
===================================
When Raffles sailed up the Singapore River for the first time,
a Malay lady was bathing in the river. Having left her clothes
on the river bank. A Singh came by and stole her clothes. The
upset lady started shouting after him, "Singh kaypoh, Singh kaypoh!"
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Joke 20
*******
Singaporean Titanic
===================
On board the SS Star cruise...
One eventful nite, Jack Wong(JW) was sleeping on deck as he forgot
to bring the keys. He was awoken by heavy thumping scurrying across
the ship deck "thump thump thump..."
JW, "Wat the @#$% was that??"
Just as he stood up, a black "plump" figure wiff across him and
brought with it a horrible sweat-filled stench.
JW, "Wah piang! wat the @#$%ing smell man?"
As what a typical kaypo Singaporean would do, JW hurried up to see
what the hell was happening.
The plump figure was crying by the railings...
JW asked, "Why you clying?"
PLUMP gal, "Why you asked?"
JW, "Ermmm, wan to know why lor? Wats yur lame (name) huh?"
PLUMP gal, "Lose Tan" (Rose actually but due to the heavy Singaporean
slang, she couldn't pronounce it correctly)
she continued, "Yur lame leh ?"
JW (proudly), "Jack Wong. Eeveryone calls me Jacky. Wat u wan to do here?"
Rose, "I failed my 'O' levels. I dun wan to live anymore."
JW, "Cheh! I failed 3 times already ah! Eh, u swur u wanna jump ah?
The water down there damn cold one leh."
Rose, "Zhun boh?"
JW, "More zhun than "Beh Peow" leh. Dun believe jump lah."
JW moved closer...
Rose, "Dun come any closer. I jump ah!"
JW, "U jump I jump lor."
But Lose didn't have the guts to do so.
And therefore a soon to be romance blossomed among the 2.
Lose Tan and Jack Wong.
Stay tuned for the next exciting sequel of SS Star cruise!
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